I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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