OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
