He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
