My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
zippers are such a cool invention
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize