and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
