i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
