he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
