she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
