Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
