Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize