A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
