my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize