when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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