Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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