When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
