Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
