I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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