he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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