I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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