You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
