Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize