I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh god it's open bar.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
