Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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