I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
handjob tips. give me some.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
