There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
