I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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