When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Boobs speak an international language.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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