I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
