She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
