if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
