Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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