its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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