I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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