I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
