yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
