I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
