Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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