i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
