My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
