I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
