On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
