So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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