Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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