i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
