When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
