Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize