Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
