Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
