I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
