Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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