So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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