i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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