it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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