You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
