i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
