So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize