I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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