Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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