sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
