She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
