the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize