We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
