Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
A+ Viking dick
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
