you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This is classic penis vs brain.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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