just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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