she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize