Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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