i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
