Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize