You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
