We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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