After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
