Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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