I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize