OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
