dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
